The Poetry Corner

The Twa Weelums

By Violet Jacob

I'm Sairgeant Weelum Henderson frae Pairth, That's wha I am! There's jist ae bluidy regiment on airth That's worth a damn; An' gin the bonniest fechter o' the lot Ye seek to see, Him that's the best - whaur ilka man's a Scot - Speir you at me! Gin there's a hash o' Gairmans pitten oot By aichts an' tens, That Wully Henderson's been thereaboot A'body kens. Fegs-aye! Yon Weelum that's in Gairmanie, He hadna reckoned Wi' Sairgeant Weelum Henderson, an' wi' The Forty-Second! Yon day we lichtit on the shores o' France, The lassies standin' Trod ilk on ither's taes to get the chance To see us landin'; The besoms! O they smiled to me - an' yet They couldna' help it, (Mysel', I just was thinkin' foo we'd get The Gairmans skelpit.) I'm wearied wi' them, for it's aye the same Whaure'er we gang, Oor Captain thinks we've got his een to blame, But, man! he's wrang; I winna say he's no as smairt a lad As ye micht see Atween twa Sawbaths - aye, he's no sae bad, But he's no me! Weel, let the limmers bide; their bonnie lips Are fine an' reid; But me an' Weelum's got to get to grips Afore we're deid; An' gin he thinks he hasn't met his match He'll sune be wiser. Here's to mysel'! Here's to the auld Black Watch! An' damn the Kaiser!