To Mr. Dan Leno
By Thomas William Hodgson Crosland
(On his Appearance at Sandringham)
Dear Mr. Dan Leno, -
This has been a great week
For Art -
One of the biggest weeks in fact
On record.
For at the beginning of the week, my dear Mr. Leno,
You were a mere popular entertainer,
Whereas at the present moment
You are a proud and 'appy man,
And in a position to walk about the Strand
With a diamond E
Scintillating in your cravat.
The thing that was anticipated
By the intelligent paragraphists,
My dear Mr. Leno,
Has come to pass.
His Britannic Majesty
King Edward VII., D.G.: B. et T.T.B.R.: I.I.,
Does intend to give artists and authors and people
A little bit more of a show
Than has hitherto fallen to their lot.
His Majesty,
My dear Mr. Leno,
Has always been noted for his tact,
And in opening the ball with you, as it were,
His Majesty has exhibited an amount of tact
Which leaves absolutely nothing to be desired.
Had he commenced with Mr. Swinburne,
Or myself,
Or Mr. Hall Caine
What howls there would have been!
Whereas as it is
Everybody is delighted,
And the Halls resound nightly with his Majesty's praises.
Furthermore,
Besides being tactful,
The King's choice of you,
My dear Mr. Leno,
For an invitation to Sandringham
Has its basis in a profound common sense;
For I am acquainted with nobody in the movement,
My dear Mr. Leno,
Who could have done the Sandringham turn
With anything like the success which appears to have been yours.
I gather from interviews
That the King "laughed heartily" at your jokes,
And that "it was a treat to see him enjoying himself."
It is just here that Mr. Swinburne, myself, and Mr. Hall Caine
Would have broken down.
It seems to me unlikely
That the King would have laughed
At Mr. Swinburne's jokes;
My own jokes, as everybody is aware,
Are constructed on a principle
Which entirely prohibits laughter;
While, as for Mr. Hall Caine's jokes,
They have such a tremendous sale
That it is not good form to laugh at them.
Mr. Leno, my boy,
You have been the humble means
Of doing us all
A great kindness.
Those jokes of yours
Which have tickled Royal ears
Will be nectar to me
When next it is my pleasurable duty
To sit under you;
That hand which Royalty has shaken
I shall grasp
With an added fervour;
That smile will cheer me all the more readily
Because it has cheered
My liege Lord and Sovereign;
Those feet --
But, after all, the great point
Is the scarf pin.
I suppose you would not care to lend it to me
For a week or two
While I have one made
Like it?