The Poetry Corner

A Curious Fact.

By Thomas Moore

The present Lord Kenyon (the Peer who writes letters, For which the waste-paper folks much are his debtors) Hath one little oddity well worth reciting, Which puzzleth observers even more than his writing. Whenever Lord Kenyon doth chance to behold A cold Apple-pie--mind, the pie must be cold-- His Lordship looks solemn (few people know why), And he makes a low bow to the said apple-pie. This idolatrous act in so "vital" a Peer, Is by most serious Protestants thought rather queer-- Pie-worship, they hold, coming under the head (Vide Crustium, chap, iv.) of the Worship of Bread. Some think 'tis a tribute, as author he owes For the service that pie-crust hath done to his prose;-- The only good things in his pages, they swear, Being those that the pastry-cook sometimes put there. Others say, 'tis a homage, thro' piecrust conveyed, To our Glorious Deliverer's much-honored shade; As that Protestant Hero (or Saint, if you please) Was as fond of cold pie as he was of green pease,[1] And 'tis solely in loyal remembrance of that, My Lord Kenyon to apple-pie takes off his hat. While others account for this kind salutation;"-- By what Tony Lumpkin calls "concatenation;" A certain good-will that, from sympathy's ties, 'Twixt old Apple-women and Orange-men lies. But 'tis needless to add, these are all vague surmises, For thus, we're assured, the whole matter arises: Lord Kenyon's respected old father (like many Respected old fathers) was fond of a penny; And loved so to save,[2] that--there's not the least question-- His death was brought on by a bad indigestion, From cold apple-pie-crust his Lordship would stuff in At breakfast to save the expense of hot muffin. Hence it is, and hence only, that cold apple-pies Are beheld by his Heir with such reverent eyes-- Just as honest King Stephen his beaver might doff To the fishes that carried his kind uncle off-- And while filial piety urges so many on, 'Tis pure apple-pie-ety moves my Lord Kenyon.