Officer Brady, The Modern Recruit

By Robert William Chambers

I Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "G'wan! Ye're no lady! Luk here what ye've done: Ye've run in Red Hogan, Ye've pulled Paddy Grogan, Ye've fanned Misther Brogan An' called him a 'gun'! "Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you! 'An' what,' sez he, 't' 'ell,' sez he, 'Does the villyun mane to do? Lock up the ass in his shtall! He'll rue the day I rue, F'r he's pulled the dive that kapes me alive, An' he'll go to the goats! Whurroo!'" II Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Ye pinched young Mullady F'r crackin' a safe! An' Sinitor Moran An' Alderman Doran Is inside, a-roarin' F'r justice, ye thafe! "'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you! 'What's this,' sez he, 'I hear?' sez he, An' the air, bedad, grew blue! 'Well, I nivver did hear av such gall! But if phwat ye say is thrue, He's pulled a fri'nd av a fri'nd av me fri'nd, An' he'll go to the goats! Whurroo!" III Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Here's Sullivan's lady Cavoortin' an' riled; She lifted a locket From Casey's coat pocket, An' it goes to the docket, An' Sullivan's wild! "'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you! ''Tis a shame,' sez he, 'f'r to blame,' sez he, 'A lady so fair an' thrue, An' so divinely tall'-- 'Tis po'ms he talked, ye Jew! An' ye've cooked yer goose, an' now ye're loose F'r to folly the goats! Whurroo!" IV Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Where's Katie Macready, The Confidence Queen? She's niece to O'Lafferty's Cousins, the Caffertys, Sinitor Rafferty's Steady colleen! "'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you! 'He's pinched,' sez he, 'an' cinched,' sez he, 'A lady tray comme eel foo! Go dangle th' tillyphone call, An' gimme La Mulberry Roo, F'r the town is too warrm f'r this gendarme, An' he'll go to the goats, mon Dieu!'" V Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "McCabe is afraid he Can't open to-night, F'r throuble's a-brewin', An' mischief's a-stewin', Wid nothin' a-doin' An' everything tight! There's Register Ronnell, Commissioner Donnell, An' Congressman Connell Preparin' f'r flight; The Dhistrict Attorney Told Magistrate Kearny That Captain McBurney Was dyin' o' fright! "Oh! 'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman lookin' f'r you! 'Bedad,' sez he, 'he's mad,' sez he. 'So turrn on the screw f'r Bellevue, An' chain 'im ag'in' the wall, An' lather 'im wan or two, An' tether 'im out on the Bloomin'dale route Like a loonytick goat! Whurroo!'"