The Poetry Corner

Mr. Sludge, The Medium

By Robert Browning

Now, dont, sir! Dont expose me! Just this once! This was the first and only time, Ill swear, Look at me, see, I kneel, the only time, I swear, I ever cheated, yes, by the soul Of Her who hears (your sainted mother, sir!) All, except this last accident, was truth This little kind of slip! and even this, It was your own wine, sir, the good champagne, (I took it for Catawba, you re so kind) Which put the folly in my head! Get up? You still inflict on me that terrible face? You show no mercy? Not for Her dear sake, The sainted spirits, whose soft breath even now Blows on my cheek (dont you feel something, sir?) You ll tell? Go tell, then! Who the devil cares What such a rowdy chooses to . . . Aie aie aie! Please, sir! your thumbs are through my windpipe, sir! Ch ch! Well, sir, I hope you ve done it now! Oh Lord! I little thought, sir, yesterday, When your departed mother spoke those words Of peace through me, and moved you, sir, so much, You gave me (very kind it was of you) These shirt-studs (better take them back again, Please, sir) yes, little did I think so soon A trifle of trick, all through a glass too much Of his own champagne, would change my best of friends Into an angry gentleman! Though, t was wrong. I dont contest the point: your angers just: Whatever put such folly in my head, I know t was wicked of me. There s a thick Dusk undeveloped spirit (I ve observed) Owes me a grudge a negros, I should say, Or else an Irish emigrants; yourself Explained the case so well last Sunday, sir, When we had summoned Franklin to clear up A point about those shares i the telegraph: Ay, and he swore . . . or might it be Tom Paine? . . . Thumping the table close by where I crouched, He d do me soon a mischief: that s come true! Why, now your face clears! I was sure it would! Then, this one time . . . dont take your hand away, Through yours I surely kiss your mothers hand . . . Youll promise to forgive me? or, at least, Tell nobody of this? Consider, sir! What harm can mercy do? Would but the shade Of the venerable dead-one just vouchsafe A rap or tip! What bit of paper s here? Suppose we take a pencil, let her write, Make the least sign, she urges on her child Forgiveness? There now! Eh? Oh! T was your foot, And not a natural creak, sir? Answer, then! Once, twice, thrice . . . see, Im waiting to say thrice! All to no use? No sort of hope for me? It s all to post to Greeleys newspaper? What? If I told you all about the tricks? Upon my soul? the whole truth, and nought else, And how there s been some falsehood for your part, Will you engage to pay my passage out, And hold your tongue until I m safe on board? Englands the place, not Boston no offence! I see what makes you hesitate: dont fear! I mean to change my trade and cheat no more, Yes, this time really it s upon my soul! Be my salvation! under Heaven, of course. I ll tell some queer things. Sixty Vs must do. A trifle, though, to start with! We ll refer The question to this table? How you re changed! Then split the difference; thirty more, we ll say. Ay, but you leave my presents! Else I ll swear T was all through those: you wanted yours again, So, picked a quarrel with me, to get them back! Tread on a worm, it turns, sir! If I turn, Your fault! T is youll have forced me! Whos obliged To give up life yet try on self-defence? At all events, I ll run the risk. Eh? Done! May I sit, sir? This dear old table, now! Please, sir, a parting egg-nogg and cigar! I ve been so happy with you! Nice stuffed chairs, And sympathetic sideboards; what an end To all the instructive evenings! (It s alight.) Well, nothing lasts, as Bacon came and said. Here goes, but keep your temper, or I ll scream! Fol-lol-the-rido-lddle-iddle-ol! You see, sir, it s your own fault more than mine; It s all your fault, you curious gentlefolk! You re prigs, excuse me, like to look so spry, So clever, while you cling by half a claw To the perch whereon you puff yourselves at roost, Such piece of self-conceit as serves for perch Because you chose it, so it must be safe. Oh, otherwise you re sharp enough! You spy Who slips, who slides, who holds by help of wing, Wanting real foothold, who cant keep upright On the other perch, your neighbour chose, not you: There s no outwitting you respecting him! For instance, men love money that, you know And what men do to gain it: well, suppose A poor lad, say a helps son in your house, Listening at keyholes, hears the company Talk grand of dollars, V-notes, and so forth, How hard they are to get, how good to hold, How much they buy, if, suddenly, in pops he Ive got a V-note! what do you say to him? Whats your first word which follows your last kick? Where did you steal it, rascal? That s because He finds you, fain would fool you, off your perch, Not on the special piece of nonsense, sir, Elected your parade-ground: let him try Lies to the end of the list,He picked it up, His cousin died and left it him by will, The President flung it to him, riding by, An actress trucked it for a curl of his hair, He dreamed of luck and found his shoe enriched, He dug up clay, and out of clay made gold How would you treat such possibilities? Would not you, prompt, investigate the case With cow-hide? Lies, lies, lies, youd shout: and why? Which of the stories might not prove mere truth? This last, perhaps, that clay was turned to coin! Lets see, now, give him me to speak for him! How many of your rare philosophers, In plaguy books Ive had to dip into, Believed gold could be made thus, saw it made And made it? Oh, with such philosophers Youre on your best behaviour! While the lad With him, in a trice, you settle likelihoods, Nor doubt a moment how he got his prize: In his case, you hear, judge and execute, All in a breath: so would most men of sense. But let the same lad hear you talk as grand At the same keyhole, you and company, Of signs and wonders, the invisible world; How wisdom scouts our vulgar unbelief More than our vulgarest credulity; How good men have desired to see a ghost, What Johnson used to say, what Wesley did, Mother Goose thought, and fiddle-diddle-dee: If he break in with, Sir, I saw a ghost! Ah, the ways change! He finds you perched and prim; Its a conceit of yours that ghosts may be: Theres no talk now of cow-hide. Tell it out! Dont fear us! Take your time and recollect! Sit down first: try a glass of wine, my boy! And, David, (is not that your Christian name?) Of all things, should this happen twice it may Be sure, while fresh in mind, you let us know! Does the boy blunder, blurt out this, blab that, Break down in the other, as beginners will? All s candour, all s considerateness No haste! Pause and collect yourself! We understand! Thats the bad memory, or the natural shock, Or the unexplained phenomena! Egad, The boy takes heart of grace; finds, never fear, The readiest way to ope your own heart wide, Show what I call your peacock-perch, pet post To strut, and spread the tail, and squawk upon! Just as you thought, much as you might expect! There be more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, . . And so on. Shall not David take the hint, Grow bolder, stroke you down at quickened rate? If he ruffle a feather, it s Gently, patiently! Manifestations are so weak at first! Doubting, moreover, kills them, cuts all short, Cures with a vengeance! There, sir, thats your style! You and your boy such pains bestowed on him, Or any headpiece of the average worth, To teach, say, Greek, would perfect him apace, Make him a Person (Porson? thank you, sir!) Much more, proficient in the art of lies. You never leave the lesson! Fire alight, Catch you permitting it to die! You ve friends; There s no withholding knowledge, least from those Apt to look elsewhere for their souls supply: Why should not you parade your lawful prize? Who finds a picture, digs a medal up, Hits on a first edition, he henceforth Gives it his name, grows notable: how much more, Who ferrets out a medium? David s yours, You highly-favoured man? Then, pity souls Less privileged! Allow us share your luck! So, David holds the circle, rules the roast, Narrates the vision, peeps in the glass ball Sets-to the spirit-writing, hears the raps, As the case may be. Now mark! To be precise Though I say, lies all these, at this first stage, T is just for science sake: I call such grubs By the name of what theyll turn to, dragonflies. Strictly, it s what good people style untruth; But yet, so far, not quite the full-grown thing: It s fancying, fable-making, nonsense-work What never meant to be so very bad The knack of story-telling, brightening up Each dull old bit of fact that drops its shine. One does see somewhat when one shuts ones eyes, If only spots and streaks; tables do tip In the oddest way of themselves: and pens, good Lord, Who knows if you drive them or they drive you? T is but a foot in the water and out again; Not that duck-under which decides your dive. Note this, for it s important: listen why. I ll prove, you push on David till he dives And ends the shivering. Here s your circle, now: Two-thirds of them, with heads like you their host, Turn up their eyes, and cry, as you expect, Lord, whod have thought it! But theres always one Looks wise, compassionately smiles, submits Of your veracity no kind of doubt, But do you feel so certain of that boys? Really, I wonder! I confess myself More chary of my faith! That s galling, sir! What, he the investigator, he the sage, When all s done? Then, you just have shut your eyes, Opened your mouth, and gulped down David whole, You! Terrible were such catastrophe! So, evidence is redoubled, doubled again, And doubled besides; once more, He heard, we heard, You and they heard, your mother and your wife, Your children and the stranger in your gates: Did they or did they not? So much for him, The black sheep, guest without the wedding-garb, The doubting Thomas! Now s your time to crow: Hes kind to think you such a fool: Sludge cheats? Leave you alone to take precautions! Straight The rest join chorus. Thomas stands abashed, Sips silent some such beverage as this, Considers if it be harder, shutting eyes And gulping David in good fellowship, Than going elsewhere, getting, in exchange, With no egg-nogg to lubricate the food, Some just as tough a morsel. Over the way, Holds Captain Sparks his court: is it better there? Have not you hunting-stories, scalping-scenes, And Mexican War exploits to swallow plump If you d be free o the stove-side, rocking-chair, And trio of affable daughters? Doubt succumbs! Victory! All your circle s yours again! Out of the clubbing of submissive wits, Davids performance rounds, each chink gets patched, Every protrusion of a point s filed fine, All s fit to set a-rolling round the world, And then return to David finally, Lies seven-feet thick about his first half-inch. Here s a choice birth o the supernatural, Poor David s pledged to! You ve employed no tool That laws exclaim at, save the devils own, Yet screwed him into henceforth gulling you To the top o your bent, all out of one half-lie! You hold, if there s one half or a hundredth part Of a lie, that s his fault, his be the penalty! I dare say! You d prove firmer in his place? You d find the courage, that first flurry over, That mild bit of romancing-work at end, To interpose with It gets serious, this; Must stop here. Sir, I saw no ghost at all. Inform your friends I made . . . well, fools of them, And found you ready-made. I ve lived in clover These three weeks: take it out in kicks of me! I doubt it. Ask your conscience! Let me know, Twelve months hence, with how few embellishments You ve told almighty Boston of this passage Of arms between us, your first taste o the foil From Sludge who could not fence, sir! Sludge, your boy! I lied, sir, there! I got up from my gorge On offal in the gutter, and preferred Your canvas-backs: I took their carvers size, Measured his modicum of intelligence, Tickled him on the cockles of his heart With a raven feather, and next week found myself Sweet and clean, dining daintily, dizened smart, Set on a stool buttressed by ladies knees, Every soft smiler calling me her pet, Encouraging my story to uncoil And creep out from its hole, inch after inch, How last night, I no sooner snug in bed, Tucked up, just as they left me, than came raps! While a light whisked . . . Shaped somewhat like a star? Well, like some sort of stars, maam. So we thought! And any voice? Not yet? Try hard, next time, If you cant hear a voice; we, think you may: At least, the Pennsylvanian mediums did. Oh, next time comes the voice! Just as we hoped! Are not the hopers proud now, pleased, profuse O the natural acknowledgment? Of course! So, off we push, illy-oh-yo, trim the boat, On we sweep with a cataract ahead, We re midway to the Horseshoe: stop, who can, The dance of bubbles gay about our prow! Experiences become worth waiting for, Spirits now speak up, tell their inmost mind, And compliment the medium properly, Concern themselves about his Sunday coat, See rings on his hand with pleasure. Ask yourself How you d receive a course of treats like these! Why, take the quietest hack and stall him up, Cram him with corn a month, then out with him Among his mates on a bright April morn, With the turf to tread; see if you find or no A caper in him, if he bucks or bolts! Much more a youth whose fancies sprout as rank As toadstool-clump from melon-bed. T is soon, Sirrah, you spirit, come, go, fetch and carry, Read, write, rap, rub-a-dub, and hang yourself! Im spared all further trouble; all s arranged; Your circle does my business; I may rave Like an epileptic dervish in the books, Foam, fling myself flat, rend my clothes to shreds; No matter: lovers, friends and countrymen Will lay down spiritual laws, read wrong things right By the rule o reverse. If Francis Verulam Styles himself Bacon, spells the name beside With a y and a k, says he drew breath in York, Gave up the ghost in Wales when Cromwell reigned, (As, sir, we somewhat fear he was apt to say, Before I found the useful book that knows) Why, what harm s done? The circle smiles apace, It was not Bacon. after all. you see! We understand; the trick s but natural: Such spirits individuality Is hard to put in evidence: they incline To gibe and jeer, these undeveloped sorts. You see, their world s much like a jail broke loose, While this of ours remains shut, bolted, barred, With a single window to it. Sludge, our friend, Serves as this window, whether thin or thick, Or stained or stainless; hes the medium-pane Through which, to see us and be seen, they peep: They crowd each other, hustle for a chance, Tread on their neighbours kibes, play tricks enough! Does Bacon, tired of waiting, swerve aside? Up in his place jumps Barnum I m your man, I ll answer you for Bacon! Try once more! Or else it s What s a medium? He s a means, Good, bad, indifferent, still the only means Spirits can speak by; he may misconceive, Stutter and stammer, he s their Sludge and drudge, Take him or leave him; they must hold their peace, Or else, put up with having knowledge strained To half-expression through his ignorance. Suppose, the spirit Beethoven wants to shed New music hes brimful of; why, he turns The handle of this organ, grinds with Sludge, And what he poured in at the mouth o the mill As a Thirty-third Sonata, (fancy now!) Comes from the hopper as bran-new Sludge, nought else, The Shakers Hymn in G, with a natural F, Or the Stars and Stripes set to consecutive fourths. Sir, wheres the scrape you did not help me through, You that are wise? And for the fools, the folk Who came to see, the guests, (observe that word!) Pray do you find guests criticize your wine, Your furniture, your grammar, or your nose? Then, why your medium? Whats the difference? Prove your madeira red-ink and gamboge, Your Sludge, a cheat then, somebody s a goose For vaunting both as genuine. Guests! Dont fear! They ll make a wry face, nor too much of that, And leave you in your glory. No, sometimes They doubt and say as much! Ay, doubt they do! And whats the consequence? Of course they doubt (You triumph) that explains the hitch at once! Doubt posed our medium, puddled his pure mind; He gave them back their rubbish: pitch chaff in, Could flour come out o the honest mill? So, prompt Applaud the faithful: cases flock in point, How, when a mocker willed a medium once Should name a spirit James whose name was George, James cried the medium, t was the test of truth! In short, a hit proves much, a miss proves more. Does this convince? The better: does it fail? Time for the double-shotted broadside, then The grand means, last resource. Look black and big! You style us idiots, therefore why stop short? Accomplices in rascality; this we hear In our own house, from our invited guest Found brave enough to outrage a poor boy Exposed by our good faith! Have you been heard? Now, then, hear us; one man s not quite worth twelve. You see a cheat? Here s some twelve see an ass! Excuse me if I calculate: good day! Out slinks the sceptic, all the laughs explode. Sludge waves his hat in triumph! Or he dont. Theres something in real truth (explain who can!) One casts a wistful eye at, like the horse Who mopes beneath stuffed hay-racks and wont munch Because he spies a corn-bag: hang that truth, It spoils all dainties proffered in its place! I ve felt at times when, cockered, cosseted And coddled by the aforesaid company, Bidden enjoy their bullying, never fear, But oer their shoulders spit at the flying man, I ve felt a child; only, a fractious child That, dandled soft by nurse, aunt, grandmother, Who keep him from the kennel, sun and wind, Good fun and wholesome mud, enjoined be sweet, And comely and superior, eyes askance The ragged sons o the gutter at their game, Fain would be down with them i the thick o the filth, Making dirt-pies, laughing free, speaking plain, And calling granny the grey old cat she is. I ve felt a spite, I say, at you, at them, Huggings and humbug-gnashed my teeth to mark A decent dog pass! It s too bad, I say, Ruining a soul so! But what s so, what s fixed, Where may one stop? Nowhere! The cheatings nursed Out of the lying, softly and surely spun To just your length, sir! Id stop soon enough: But youre for progress. All old, nothing new? Only the usual talking through the mouth, Or writing by the hand? I own, I thought This would develop, grow demonstrable, Make doubt absurb, give figures we might see, Flowers we might touch. Theres no one doubts you, Sludge! You dream the dreams, you see the spiritual sights, The speeches come in your head, beyond dispute. Still, for the sceptics sake, to stop all mouths, We want some outward manifestation! well, The Pennsylvanians gained such; why not Sludge? He may improve with time! Ay, that he may! He sees his lot: theres no avoiding fate. T is a trifle at first. Eh, David? Did you hear? You jogged the table, your foot caused the squeak, This time youre . . . joking, are you not, my boy? N-n-no! and I m done for, bought and sold hence forth. The old good easy jog-trot way, the . . . eh? The . . . not so very false, as falsehood goes, The spinning out and drawing fine, you know, Really mere novel-writing of a sort, Acting, or improvising, make-believe, Surely not downright cheatery, any how, T is done with and my lot cast; Cheats my name: The fatal dash of brandy in your tea Has settled what youll have the souchongs smack: The caddy gives way to the drain-bottle. Then, its so cruel easy! Oh, those tricks That cant be tricks, those feats by sleight of hand, Clearly no common conjurors! no indeed! A conjuror? Choose me any craft i the world A man puts hand to; and with six months pains Ill play you twenty tricks miraculous To people untaught the trade: have you seen glass blown, Pipes pierced? Why, just this biscuit that I chip, Did you ever watch a baker toss one flat To the oven? Try and do it! Take my word, Practise but half as much, while limbs are lithe, To turn, shove, tilt a table, crack your joints, Manage your feet, dispose your hands aright, Work wires that twitch the curtains, play the glove At end o your slipper, then put out the lights And . . . there, there, all you want you ll get, I hope! I found it slip, easy as an old shoe. Now, lights on table again! I ve done my part, You take my place while I give thanks and rest. Well, Judge Humgruffin, what s your verdict, sir? You, hardest head in the United States, Did you detect a cheat here? Wait! Let s see! Just an experiment first, for candours sake! I ll try and cheat you, Judge? The table tilts: Is it I that move it? Write! Ill press your hand: Cry when I push, or guide your pencil, Judge! Sludge still triumphant! That a rap, indeed? That, the real writing? Very like a whale! Then, if, sir, you a most distinguished man, And, were the Judge not here, Id say, . . . no matter! Well, sir, if you fail, you cant take us in, There s little fear that Sludge will! Wont he, maam But what if our distinguished host, like Sludge, Bade God bear witness that he played no trick, While you believed that what produced the raps Was just a certain child who died, you know, And whose last breath you thought your lips had felt? Eh? Thats a capital point, maam; Sludge begins At your entreaty with your dearest dead, The little voice set lisping once again, The tiny hand made feel for yours once more, The poor lost image brought back, plain as dreams, Which image, if a word had chanced recall, The customary cloud would cross your eyes, Your heart return the old tick, pay its pang! A right mood for investigation, this! Ones at ones ease with Saul and Jonathan, Pompey and Caesar: but ones own lost child . . . I wonder, when you heard the first clod drop From the spadeful at the grave-side, felt you free To investigate who twitched your funeral scarf Or brushed your flounces? Then, it came of course You should be stunned and stupid; then, (how else?) Your breath stopped with your blood, your brain struck work. But now, such causes fail of such effects, All s changed, the little voice begins afresh, Yet, you, calm, consequent, can test and try And touch the truth. Tests? Didnt the creature tell Its nurses name, and say it lived six years, And rode a rocking-horse? Enough of tests! Sludge never could learn that! He could not, eh? You compliment him. Could not? Speak for yourself! I d like to know the man I ever saw Once, never mind where, how, why, when, once saw, Of whom I do not keep some matter in mind He d swear I could not know, sagacious soul! What? Do you live in this worlds blow of blacks, Palaver, gossipry, a single hour Nor find one smut has settled on your nose, Of a smuts worth, no more, no less? one fact Out of the drift of facts, whereby you learn What someone was, somewhere, somewhen, somewhy? You dont tell folk See what has stuck to me! Judge Humgruffin, our most distinguished man, Your uncle was a tailor, and your wife Thought to have married Miggs, missed him, hit you! Do you, sir, though you see him twice a-week? No, you reply, what use retailing it? Why should I? But, you see, one day you should, Because one day there s much use, when this fact Brings you the Judge upon both gouty knees Before the supernatural; proves that Sludge Knows, as you say, a thing he could not know: Will not Sludge thenceforth keep an outstretched face The way the wind drives? Could not! Look you now, I ll tell you a story! There s a whiskered chap, A foreigner, that teaches music here And gets his bread, knowing no better way: He says, the fellow who informed of him And made him fly his country and fall West Was a hunchback cobbler, sat, stitched soles and sang, In some outlandish place, the city Rome, In a cellar by their Broadway, all day long; Never asked questions, stopped to listen or look, Nor lifted nose from lapstone; let the world Roll round his three-legged stool, and news run in The ears he hardly seemed to keep pricked up. Well, that man went on Sundays, touched his pay, And took his praise from government, you see; For something like two dollars every week, Hed engage tell you some one little thing Of some one man, which led to many more, (Because one truth leads right to the worlds end) And make you that mans master when he dined And on what dish, where walked to keep his health And to what street. His trade was, throwing thus His sense out, like an ant-eaters long tongue, Soft, innocent, warm, moist, impassible, And when t was crusted oer with creatures slick, Their juice enriched his palate. Could not Sludge! I ll go yet a step further, and maintain, Once the imposture plunged its proper depth I the rotton of your natures, all of you, (If one s not mad nor drunk, and hardly then) It s impossible to cheat that s, be found out! Go tell your brotherhood this first slip of mine, All to-days tale, how you detected Sludge, Behaved unpleasantly, till he was fain confess, And so has come to grief! Youll find, I think, Why Sludge still snaps his fingers in your face. There now, youve told them! Whats their prompt reply? Sir, did that youth confess he had cheated me, Id disbelieve him. He may cheat at times; Thats in the medium-nature, thus theyre made, Vain and vindictive, cowards, prone to scratch And so all cats are; still, a cat s the beast You coax the strange electric sparks from out, By rubbing back its fur; not so a dog, Nor lion, nor lamb: t is the cats nature, sir! Why not the dogs? Ask God, who made them beasts! D ye think the sound, the nicely-balanced man (Like me aside) like you yourself, (aloud) He s stuff to make a medium? Bless your soul, T is these hysteric, hybrid half-and-halfs, Equivocal, worthless vermin yield the fire! We take such as we find them, ware their tricks, Wanting their service. Sir, Sludge took in you How, I cant say, not being there to watch: He was tried, was tempted by your easiness, He did not take in me! Thank you for Sludge! I m to be grateful to such patrons, eh, When what you hears my best word? T is a challenge Snap at all strangers, half-tamed prairie-dog, So you cower duly at your keepers beck! Cat, show what claws were made for, muffling them Only to me! Cheat others if you can, Me, if you dare! And, my wise sir, I dared Did cheat you first, made you cheat others next, And had the help o your vaunted manliness To bully the incredulous. You used me? Have not I used you, taken full revenge, Persuaded folk they knew not their own name, And straight theyd own the error! Who was the fool When, to an awe-struck wide-eyed open-mouthed Circle of sages, Sludge would introduce Milton composing baby-rhymes, and Locke Reasoning in gibberish, Homer writing Greek In noughts and crosses, Asaph setting psalms To crotchet and quaver? I ve made a spirit squeak In sham voice for a minute, then outbroke Bold in my own, defying the imbeciles Have copied some ghosts pothooks, half a page, Then ended with my own scrawl undisguised. All right! The ghost was merely using Sludge, Suiting itself from his imperfect stock! Dont talk of gratitude to me! For what? For being treated as a showmans ape, Encouraged to be wicked and make sport, Fret or sulk, grin or whimper, any mood So long as the ape be in it and no man Because a nut pays every mood alike. Curse your superior, superintending sort, Who, since you hate smoke, send up boys that climb To cure your chimney, bid a medium lie To sweep you truth down! Curse your women too, Your insolent wives and daughters, that fire up Or faint away if a male hand squeeze theirs, Yet, to encourage Sludge, may play with Sludge As only a medium, only the kind of thing They must humour, fondle . . . oh, to misconceive Were too preposterous! But Ive paid them out! They ve had their wish called for the naked truth, And in she tripped, sat down and bade them stare: They had to blush a little and forgive! The fact is, children talk so; in next world All our conventions are reversed, perhaps Made light of: something like old prints, my dear! The Judge has one, he brought from Italy, A metropolis in the background, oer a bridge, A team of trotting roadsters, cheerful groups Of wayside travellers, peasants at their work, And, full in front, quite unconcerned, why not? Three nymphs conversing with a cavalier, And never a rag among them: fine, folk cry And heavenly manners seem not much unlike! Let Sludge go on; we ll fancy it s in print! If such as came for wool, sir, went home shorn, Where is the wrong I did them? T was their choice; They tried the adventure, ran the risk, tossed up And lost, as some ones sure to do in games; They fancied I was made to lose, smoked glass Useful to spy the sun through, spare their eyes: And had I proved a red-hot iron plate They thought to pierce, and, for their pains, grew blind, Whose were the fault but theirs? While, as things go, Their loss amounts to gain, the more s the shame! Theyve had their peep into the spirit-world, And all this world may know it! Theyve fed fat Their self-conceit which else had starved: what chance Save this, of cackling oer a golden egg And compassing distinction from the flock, Friends of a feather? Well, they paid for it, And not prodigiously; the price o the play, Not counting certain pleasant interludes, Was scarce a vulgar plays worth. When you buy The actors talent, do you dare propose For his soul beside? Whereas my soul you buy! Sludge acts Macbeth, obliged to be Macbeth, Or youll not hear his first word! Just go through That slight formality, swear himself s the Thane, And thenceforth he may strut and fret his hour, Spout, spawl, or spin his target, no one cares! Why hadnt I leave to play tricks, Sludge as Sludge? Enough of it all! Ive wiped out scores with you Vented your fustian, let myself be streaked Like tone-fool with your ochre and carmine, Worn patchwork your respectable fingers sewed To metamorphose somebody, yes, Ive earned My wages, swallowed down my bread of shame, And shake the crumbs off where but in your face? As for religion why, I served it, sir! Ill stick to that! With my phenomena I laid the atheist sprawling on his back, Propped up Saint Paul, or, at least, Swedenborg! In fact, its just the proper way to baulk These troublesome fellows-liars, one and all, Are not these sceptics? Well, to baffle them, No use in being squeamish: lie yourself! Erect your buttress just as wide o the line, Your side, as they build up the wall on theirs; Where both meet, midway in a point, is truth High overhead: so, take your room, pile bricks, Lie! Oh, theres titillation in all shame! What snow may lose in white, snow gains in rose! Miss Stokes turns Rahab, nor a bad exchange! Glory be on her, for the good she wrought, Breeding belief anew neath ribs of death, Browbeating now the unabashed before, Ridding us of their whole lifes gathered straws By a live coal from the altar! Why, of old, Great men spent years and years in writing books To prove we ve souls, and hardly proved it then: Miss Stokes with her live coal, for you and me! Surely, to this good issue, all was fair Not only fondling Sludge, but, even suppose He let escape some spice of knavery, well, In wisely being blind to it! Dont you praise Nelson for setting spy-glass to blind eye Any saying . . . what was it that he could not see The signal he was bothered with? Ay, indeed! I ll go beyond: there s a real love of a lie, Liars find ready-made for lies they make, As hand for glove, or tongue for sugar-plum. At best, t is never pure and full belief; Those furthest in the quagmire, dont suppose They strayed there with no warning, got no chance Of a filth-speck in their face, which they clenched teeth, Bent brow against! Be sure they had their doubts, And fears, and fairest challenges to try The floor o the seeming solid sand! But no! Their faith was pledged, acquaintance too apprised, All but the last step ventured, kerchiefs waved, And Sludge called pet: t was easier marching on To the promised land join those who, Thursday next, Meant to meet Shakespeare; better follow Sludge Prudent, oh sure! on the alert, how else? But making for the mid-bog, all the same! To hear your outcries, one would think I caught Miss Stokes by the scruff o the neck, and pitched her flat, Foolish-face-foremost! Hear these simpletons, That s all I beg, before my work s begun, Before I ve touched them with my finger-tip! Thus they await me (do but listen, now! It s reasoning, this is, I cant imitate The baby voice, though) In so many tales Must be some truth, truth though a pin-point big, Yet, some: a single man s deceived, perhaps Hardly, a thousand: to suppose one cheat Can gull all these, were more miraculous far Than aught we should confess a miracle And so on. Then the Judge sums up (it s rare) Bids you respect the authorities that leap To the judgment-seat at once, why dont you note The limpid nature, the unblemished life, The spotless honour, indisputable sense Of the first upstart with his story? What Outrage a boy on whom you neer till now Set eyes, because he finds raps trouble him? Fools, these are: ay, and how of their opposites Who never did, at bottom of their hearts, Believe for a moment? Men emasculate, Blank of belief, who played, as eunuchs use, With superstition safely, cold of blood, Who saw what made for them i the mystery, Took their occasion, and supported Sludge As proselytes? No, thank you, far too shrewd! But promisers of fair play, encouragers O the claimant; who in candour needs must hoist Sludge up on Mars Hill, get speech out of Sludge To carry off, criticize, and cant about! Didnt Athens treat Saint Paul so? at any rate, It s a new thing philosophy fumbles at. Then there s the other picker-out of pearl From dung-heaps, ay, your literary man, Who draws on his kid gloves to deal with Sludge Daintily and discreetly, shakes a dust O the doctrine, flavours thence, he well knows how, The narrative or the novel, half-believes, All for the books sake, and the publics stare, And the cash that s Gods sole solid in this world! Look at him! Try to be too bold, too gross For the master! Not you! He s the man for muck; Shovel it forth, full-splash, he ll smooth your brown Into artistic richness, never fear! Find him the crude stuff; when you recognize Your lie again, you ll doff your hat to it, Dressed out for company! For company, I say, since there s the relish of success: Let all pay due respect, call the lie truth, Save the soft silent smirking gentleman Who ushered in the stranger: you must sigh How melancholy, he, the only one Fails to perceive the bearing of the truth Himself gave birth to! There s the triumphs smack! That man would choose to see the whole world roll I the slime o the slough, so he might touch the tip Of his brush with what I call the best of browns Tint ghost-tales, spirit-stories, past the power Of the outworn umber and bistre! Yet I think There s a more hateful form of foolery The social sages, Solomon of saloons And philosophic diner-out, the fribble Who wants a doctrine for a chopping-block To try the edge of his faculty upon, Prove how much common sense he ll hack and hew I the critical minute twixt the soup and fish! These were my patrons: these, and the like of them Who, rising in my soul now, sicken it, These I have injured! Gratitude to these? The gratitude, forsooth, of a prostitute To the greenhorn and the bully friends of hers, From the wag that wants the queer jokes for his club, To the snuff-box-decorator, honest man, Who just was at his wits end where to find So genial a Pasiphae! All and each Pay, compliment, protect from the police: And how she hates them for their pains, like me! So much for my remorse at thanklessness Toward a deserving public! But, for God? Ay, that s a question! Well, sir, since you press (How you do tease the whole thing out of me! I dont mean you, you know, when I say them: Hate you, indeed! But that Miss Stokes, that Judge! Enough, enough with sugar: thank you, sir!) Now for it, then! Will you believe me, though? Youve heard what I confess; I dont unsay A single word: I cheated when I could, Rapped with my toe-joints, set sham hands at work, Wrote down names weak in sympathetic ink, Rubbed odic lights with ends of phosphor-match, And all the rest; believe that: believe this, By the same token, though it seem to set The crooked straight again, unsay the said, Stick up what I ve knocked down; I cant help that It s truth! I somehow vomit truth to-day This trade of mine I dont know, cant be sure But there was something in it, tricks and all! Really, I want to light up my own mind. They were tricks, true, but what I mean to add Is also true. First, dont it strike you, sir? Go back to the beginning, the first fact We re taught is, there s a world beside this world, With spirits, not mankind, for tenantry; That much within that world once sojourned here, That all upon this world will visit there, And therefore that we, bodily here below, Must have exactly such an interest In learning what may be the ways o the world Above us, as the disembodied folk Have (by all analogic likelihood) In watching how things go in the old home With us, their sons, successors, and what not. Oh yes, with added powers probably, Fit for the novel state, old loves grown pure, Old interests understood aright, they watch! Eyes to see, ears to hear, and hands to help, Proportionate to advancement: they re ahead, Thats all do what we do, but noblier done Use plate, whereas we eat our meals off delf, (To use a figure). Concede that, and I ask Next what may be the mode of intercourse Between us men here, and those once-men there? First comes the Bibles speech; then, history With the supernatural element, you know All that we sucked in with our mothers milk, Grew up with, got inside of us at last, Till its found bone of bone and flesh of flesh. See now, we start with the miraculous, And know it used to be, at all events: Whats the first step we take, and cant but take, In arguing from the known to the obscure? Why this: What was before, may be to-day. Since Samuels ghost appeared to Saul, of course My brothers spirit may appear to me. Go tell your teacher that! Whats his reply? What brings a shade of doubt for the first time Oer his brow late so luminous with faith? Such things have been, says he, and theres no doubt Such things may be: but I advise mistrust Of eyes, ears, stomach, and, more than all, your brain, Unless it be of your great-grandmother, Whenever they propose a ghost to you! The end is, theres a composition struck; T is settled, weve some way of intercourse Just as in Sauls time; only, different: How, when and where, precisely, find it out! I want to know, then, whats so natural As that a person born into this world And seized on by such teaching, should begin With firm expectancy and a frank look-out For his own allotment, his especial share I the secret, his particular ghost, in fine? I mean, a person born to look that way, Since natures differ: take the painter-sort, One man lives fifty years in ignorance Whether grass be green or red, No kind of eye For colour, say you; while another picks And puts away even pebbles, when a child, Because of bluish spots and pinky veins Give him forthwith a paint-box! Just the same Was I born . . . medium, you wont let me say, Well, seer of the supernatural Everywhen, everyhow and everywhere, Will that do? I and all such boys of course Started with the same stock of Bible-truth; Only, what in the rest you style their sense, Instinct, blind reasoning but imperative, This, betimes, taught them the old world had one law And ours another: New world, new laws, cried they: None but old laws, seen everywhere at work, Cried I, and by their help explained my life The Jews way, still a working way to me. Ghosts made the noises, fairies waved the lights, Or Santa Claus slid down on New Years Eve And stuffed with cakes the stocking at my bed, Changed the worn shoes, rubbed clean the fingered slate O the sum that came to grief the day before. This could not last long: soon enough I found Who had worked wonders thus, and to what end: But did I find all easy, like my mates? Henceforth no supernatural any more? Not a whit: what projects the billiard-balls? A cue, you answer: Yes, a cue, said I; But what hand, off the cushion, moved the cue? What unseen agency, outside the world, Prompted its puppets to do this and that, Put cakes and shoes and slates into their mind, These mothers and aunts, nay even schoolmasters? Thus high I sprang, and there have settled since. Just so I reason, in sober earnest still, About the greater godsends, what you call The serious gains and losses of my life. What do I know or care about your world Which either is or seems to be? This snap O my fingers, sir! My care is for myself; Myself am whole and sole reality Inside a raree-show and a market-mob Gathered about it: that s the use of things. T is easy saying they serve vast purposes, Advantage their grand selves: be it true or false, Each thing may have two uses. What s a star? A world, or a worlds sun: doesnt it serve As taper also, time-piece, weather-glass, And almanac? Are stars not set for signs When we should shear our sheep, sow corn, prune trees? The Bible says so. Well, I add one use To all the acknowledged uses, and declare If I spy Charless Wain at twelve to-night, It warns me, Go, nor lose another day, And have your hair cut, Sludge! You laugh: and why? Were such a sign too hard for God to give? No: but Sludge seems too little for such grace: Thank you, sir! So you think, so does not Sludge! When you and good men gape at Providence, Go into history and bid us mark Not merely powder-plots prevented, crowns Kept on kings heads by miracle enough, But private mercies oh, youve told me, sir, Of such interpositions! How yourself Once, missing on a memorable day Your handkerchief just setting out, you know, You must return to fetch it, lost the train, And saved your precious self from what befell The thirty-three whom Providence forgot. You tell, and ask me what I think of this? Well, sir, I think then, since you needs must know, What matter had you and Boston city to boot Sailed skyward, like burnt onion-peelings? Much To you, no doubt: for me undoubtedly The cutting of my hair concerns me more, Because, however sad the truth may seem, Sludge is of all-importance to himself. You set apart that day in every year For special thanksgiving, were a heathen else: Well, I cannot boast the like escape, Suppose I said I dont thank Providence For my part, owing it no gratitude? Nay, but you owe as much youd tutor me, You, every man alive, for blessings gained In every hour o the day, could you but know! I saw my crowning mercy: all have such, Could they but see! Well, sir, why dont they see? Because they wont look, or perhaps, they cant. Then, sir, suppose I can, and will, and do Look, microscopically as is right, Into each hour with its infinitude Of influences at work to profit Sludge? For thats the case: Ive sharpened up my sight To spy a providence in the fires going out, The kettles boiling, the dimes sticking fast Despite the hole i the pocket. Call such facts Fancies, too petty a work for Providence, And those same thanks which you exact from me Prove too prodigious payment: thanks for what, If nothing guards and guides us little men? No, no, sir! You must put away your pride, Resolve to let Sludge into partnership! I live by signs and omens: looked at the roof Where the pigeons settle If the further bird, The white, takes wing first, Ill confess when thrashed; Not, if the blue does so I said to myself Last week, lest you should take me by surprise: Off flapped the white, and I m confessing, sir! Perhaps t is Providences whim and way With only me, i the world: how can you tell? Because unlikely! Was it likelier, now, That this our one out of all worlds beside, The what-dyou-call em millions, should be just Precisely chosen to make Adam for, And the rest o the tale? Yet the tale s true, you know: Such undeserving clod was graced so once; Why not graced likewise undeserving Sludge? Are we merit-mongers, flaunt we filthy rags? All you can bring against my privilege Is, that another way was taken with you, Which I dont question. It s pure grace, my luck: I m broken to the way of nods and winks, And need no formal summoning. You ve a help; Holloa his name or whistle, clap your hands, Stamp with your foot or pull the bell: all s one, He understands you want him, here he comes. Just so, I come at the knocking: you, sir, wait The tongue o the bell, nor stir before you catch Reasons clear tingle, natures clapper brisk, Or that traditional peal was wont to cheer Your mothers face turned heavenward: short of these There s no authentic intimation, eh? Well, when you hear, you ll answer them, start up And stride into the presence, top of toe, And there find Sludge beforehand, Sludge that sprang At noise o the knuckle on the partition-wall! I think myself the more religious man. Religion s all or nothing; it s no mere smile O contentment, sigh of aspiration, sir No quality o the finelier-tempered clay Like its whiteness or its lightness; rather, stuff O the very stuff, life of life, and self of self. I tell you, men wont notice; when they do, They ll understand. I notice nothing else: I m eyes, ears, mouth of me, one gaze and gape, Nothing eludes me, everything s a hint, Handle and help. It s all absurd, and yet Theres something in it all, I know: how much? No answer! What does that prove? Mans still man. Still meant for a poor blundering piece of work When alls done; but, if somewhat s done, like this, Or not done, is the case the same? Suppose I blunder in my guess at the true sense O the knuckle-summons, nine times out of ten, What if the tenth guess happen to be right? If the tenth shovel-load of powdered quartz Yield me the nugget? I gather, crush, sift all, Pass oer the failure, pounce on the success. To give you a notion, now (let who wins, laugh!) When first I see a man, what do I first? Why, count the letters which make up his name, And as their number chances, even or odd, Arrive at my conclusion, trim my course: Hiram H. Horsefall is your honoured name, And havent I found a patron, sir, in you? Shall I cheat this stranger? I take apple-pips, Stick one in either canthus of my eye, And if the left drops first (your left, sir, stuck) I m warned, I let the trick alone this time. Yon, sir, who smile, superior to such trash, You judge of character by other rules: Dont your rules sometimes fail you? Pray, what rule Have you judged Sludge by hitherto? Oh, be sure, You, everybody blunders, just as I, In simpler things than these by far! For see: I knew two farmers, one, a wiseacre Who studied seasons, rummaged almanacs, Quoted the dew-point, registered the frost, And then declared, for outcome of his pains, Next summer must be dampish: t was a drought. His neighbour prophesied such drought would fall, Saved hay and corn, made cent. per cent. thereby, And proved a sage indeed: how came his lore? Because one brindled heifer, late in March, Stiffened her tail of evenings, and somehow He got into his head that drought was meant! I dont expect all men can do as much: Such kissing goes by favour. You must take A certain turn of mind for this, a twist I the flesh, as well. Be lazily alive, Open-mouthed, like my friend the ant-eater, Letting all natures loosely-guarded motes Settle and, slick, be swallowed! Think yourself The one i the world, the one for whom the world Was made, expect it tickling at your mouth! Then will the swarm of busy buzzing flies, Clouds of coincidence, break egg-shell, thrive, Breed, multiply, and bring you food enough. I cant pretend to mind your smiling, sir! Oh, what you mean is this! Such intimate way, Close converse, frank exchange of offices, Strict sympathy of the immeasurably great With the infinitely small, betokened here By a course of signs and omens, raps and sparks, Flow does it suit the dread traditional text O the Great and Terrible Name? Shall the Heaven of Heavens Stoop to such childs play? Please, sir, go with me A moment, and I ll try to answer you. The Magnum et terribile (is that right?) Well, folk began with this in the early day; And all the acts they recognized in proof Were thunders, lightnings, earthquakes, whirlwinds, dealt Indisputably on men whose death they caused. There, and there only, folk saw Providence At work, and seeing it, t was right enough All heads should tremble, hands wring hands amain, And knees knock hard together at the breath O the Names first letter; why, the Jews, Im told, Wont write it down, no, to this very hour, Nor speak aloud; you know best if t be so. Each ague-fit of fear at end, they crept (Because somehow people once born must live) Out of the sound, sight, swing and sway o the Name, Into a corner, the dark rest of the world, And safe space where as yet no fear had reached; T was there they looked about them, breathed again, And felt indeed at home, as we might say. The current o common things, the daily life, This had their due contempt; no Name pursued Man from the mountain-top where fires abide, To his particular mouse-hole at its foot Where he ate, drank, digested, lived in short: Such was mans vulgar business, far too small To be worth thunder: small, folk kept on, small, With much complacency in those great days! A mote of sand, you know, a blade of grass What was so despicable as mere grass, Except perhaps the life o the worm or fly Which fed there? These were small and men were great. Well, sir, the old ways altered somewhat since, And the world wears another aspect now: Somebody turns our spyglass round, or else Puts a new lens in it: grass, worm, fly grow big: We find great things are made of little things, And little things go lessening till at last Comes God behind them. Talk of mountains now? We talk of mould that heaps the mountain, mites That throng the mould, and God that makes the mites. The Name comes close behind a stomach-cyst, The simplest of creations, just a sac Thats mouth, heart, legs and belly at once, yet lives And feels, and could do neither, we conclude, If simplified still further one degree: The small becomes the dreadful and immense Lightning, forsooth? No word more upon that! A tin-foil bottle, a strip of greasy silk, With a bit of wire and knob of brass, and theres Your dollars-worth of lightning! But the cyst The life of the least of the little things? No, no! Preachers and teachers try another tack, Come near the truth this time: they put aside Thunder and lightning: That s mistake, they cry, Thunderbolts fall for neither fright nor sport, But do appreciable good, like tides, Changes o the wind, and other natural facts Good meaning good to man, his body or soul. Mediate, immediate, all things minister To man, that s settled: be our future text We are His children! So, they now harangue About the intention, the contrivance, all That keeps up an incessant play of love, See the Bridgewater book. Amen to it! Well, sir, I put this question: I m a child? I lose no time, but take you at your word: How shall I act a childs part properly? Your sainted mother, sir, used you to live With such a thought as this a-worrying you? She has it in her power to throttle me, Or stab or poison: she may turn me out, Or lock me in, nor stop at this to-day, But cut me off to-morrow from the estate I look for (long may you enjoy it, sir!) In brief, she may unchild the child I am. You never had such crotchets? Nor have I! Who, frank confessing childship from the first Cannot both fear and take my ease at once, So, dont fear, know what might be, well enough But know too, child-like, that it will not be, At least in my case, mine, the son and heir O the kingdom, as yourself proclaim my style. But do you fancy I stop short at this? Wonder if suit and service, son and heir Needs must expect, I dare pretend to find? If, looking for signs proper to such an one, I straight perceive them irresistible? Concede that homage is a sons plain right, And, never mind the nods and raps and winks, T is the pure obvious supernatural Steps forward, does its duty: why, of course! I have presentiments; my dreams come true: I fancy a friend stands whistling all in white Blithe as a boblink, and he s dead I learn. I take dislike to a dog my favourite long, And sell him; he goes mad next week and snaps. I guess that stranger will turn up to-day I have not seen these three years; there s his knock I wager sixty peaches on that tree! That I pick up a dollar in my walk, That your wifes brothers cousins name was George And win on all points. Oh, you wince at this? Youd fain distinguish between gift and gift, Washingtons oracle and Sludges itch O the elbow when at whist he ought to trump? With Sludge its too absurd? Fine, draw the line Somewhere, but, sir, your somewhere is not mine! Bless us, Im turning poet! Its time to end. How you have drawn me out, sir! All I ask Is am I heir or not heir? If Im he, Then, sir, remember, that same personage (To judge by what we read i the newspaper) Requires, beside one nobleman in gold To carry up and down his coronet, Another servant, probably a duke, To hold egg-nogg in readiness: why want Attendance, sir, when helps in his fathers house Abound, I d like to know? Enough of talk! My fault is that I tell too plain a truth. Why, which of those who say they disbelieve, Your clever people, but has dreamed his dream, Caught his coincidence, stumbled on his fact He cant explain, (hell tell you smilingly) Which he s too much of a philosopher To count as supernatural, indeed, So calls a puzzle and problem, proud of it Bidding you still be on your guard, you know, Because one fact dont make a system stand, Nor prove this an occasional escape Of spirit beneath the matter: thats the way! Just so wild Indians picked up, piece by piece, The fact in California, the fine gold That underlay the gravel hoarded these, But never made a system stand, nor dug! So wise men hold out in each hollowed palm A handful of experience, sparkling fact They cant explain; and since their rest of life Is all explainable, what proof in this? Whereas I take the fact, the grain of gold, And fling away the dirty rest of life, And add this grain to the grain each fool has found O the million other such philosophers, Till I see gold, all gold and only gold, Truth questionless though unexplainable, And the miraculous proved the commonplace! The other fools believed in mud, no doubt Failed to know gold they saw: was that so strange? Are all men born to play Bachs fiddle-fugues, Time with the foil in carte, jump their own height, Cut the mutton with the broadsword, skate a five, Make the red hazard with the cue, clip nails While swimming, in five minutes row a mile, Pull themselves three feet up with the left arm, Do sums of fifty figures in their head, And so on, by the scores of instances? The Sludge with luck, who sees the spiritual facts His fellows strive and fail to see, may rank With these, and share the advantage. Ay, but share The drawback! Think it over by yourself; I have not heart, sir, and the fire s gone grey. Defect somewhere compensates for success, Everyone knows that. Oh, were equals, sir! The big-legged fellow has a little arm And a less brain, though big legs win the race: Do you suppose I scape the common lot? Say, I was born with flesh so sensitive, Soul so alert, that, practice helping both, I guess what s going on outside the veil, Just as a prisoned crane feels pairing-time In the islands where his kind are, so must fall To capering by himself some shiny night, As if your back-yard were a plot of spice Thus am I ware o the spirit world: while you, Blind as a beetle that way, for amends. Why, you can double fist and floor me, sir! Ride that hot hardmouthed horrid horse of yours, Laugh while it lightens, play with the great dog, Speak your mind though it vex some friend to hear, Never brag, never bluster, never blush, In short, youve pluck, when Im a coward there! I know it, I cant help it, folly or no, I m paralyzed, my hands no more a hand, Nor my head a head, in danger: you can smile And change the pipe in your cheek. Your gift s not mine. Would you swap for mine? No! but youd add my gift To yours: I dare say! I too sigh at times, Wish I were stouter, could tell truth nor flinch, Kept cool when threatened, did not mind so much Being dressed gaily, making strangers stare, Eating nice things; when I d amuse myself, I shut my eyes and fancy in my brain I m now the President, now Jenny Lind, Now Emerson, now the Benicia Boy With all the civilized world a-wondering And worshipping. I know it s folly and worse; I feel such tricks sap, honeycomb the soul, But I cant cure myself: despond, despair, And then, hey, presto, there s a turn o the wheel, Under comes uppermost, fate makes full amends; Sludge knows and sees and bears a hundred things You all are blind to, I ve my taste of truth, Likewise my touch of falsehood, vice no doubt, But you ve your vices also: I m content. What, sir? You wont shake hands? Because I cheat! Youve found me out in cheating! Thats enough To make an apostle swear! Why, when I cheat, Mean to cheat, do cheat, and am caught in the act, Are you, or, rather, am I sure o the fact? (There s verse again, but I m inspired somehow.) Well then I m not sure! I may be, perhaps, Free as a babe from cheating: how it began, My gift, no matter; what t is got to be In the end now, that s the question; answer that! Had I seen, perhaps, what hand was holding mine, Leading me whither, I had died of fright: So, I was made believe I led myself. If I should lay a six-inch plank from roof To roof, you would not cross the street, one step, Even at your mothers summons: but, being shrewd If I paste paper on each side the plank And swear t is solid pavement, why, you ll cross Humming a tune the while, in ignorance Beacon Street stretches a hundred feet below: I walked thus, took the paper-cheat for stone. Some impulse made me set a thing o the move Which, started once, ran really by itself; Beer flows thus, suck the siphon; toss the kite, It takes the wind and floats of its own force. Dont let truths lump rot stagnant for the lack Of a timely helpful lie to leaven it! Put a chalk-egg beneath the clucking hen, She ll lay a real one, laudably deceived, Daily for weeks to come. I ve told my lie, And seen truth follow, marvels none of mine; All was not cheating, sir, I m positive! I dont know if I move your hand sometimes When the spontaneous writing spreads so far, If my knee lifts the table all that height, Why the inkstand dont fall off the desk a-tilt, Why the accordion plays a prettier waltz Than I can pick out on the piano-forte, Why I speak so much more than I intend, Describe so many things I never saw. I tell you, sir, in one sense, I believe Nothing at all, that everybody can, Will, and does cheat: but in another sense Im ready to believe my very self That every cheats inspired, and every lie Quick with a germ of truth. You ask perhaps Why I should condescend to trick at all If I know a way without it? This is why! Theres a strange secret sweet self-sacrifice In any desecration of ones soul To a worthy end, isnt it Herodotus (I wish I could read Latin!) who describes The single gift o the lands virginity, Demanded in those old Egyptian rites, (Ive but a hazy notion help me, sir!) For one purpose in the world, one day in a life, One hour in a day thereafter, purity, And a veil thrown oer the past for evermore! Well, now, they understood a many things Down by Nile city, or wherever it was! Ive always vowed, after the minutes lie, And the ends gain, truth should be mine henceforth. This goes to the root o the matter, sir, this plain Plump fact: accept it and unlock with it The wards of many a puzzle! Or, finally, Why should I set so fine a gloss on things? What need I care? I cheat in self-defence, And theres my answer to a world of cheats! Cheat? To be sure, sir! What s the world worth else? Who takes it as he finds, and thanks his stars? Dont it want trimming, turning, furbishing up And polishing over? Your so-styled great men, Do they accept one truth as truth is found, Or try their skill at tinkering? Whats your world? Here are you born, who are, Ill say at once, Of the luckiest kind, whether in head and heart, Body and soul, or all that helps them both. Well, now, look back: what faculty of yours Came to its full, had ample justice done By growing when rain fell, biding its time, Solidifying growth when earth was dead, Spiring up, broadening wide, in seasons due? Never! You shot up and frost nipped you off, Settled to sleep when sunshine bade you sprout; One faculty thwarted its fellow: at the end, All you boast is I had proved a topping tree In other climes yet this was the right clime Had you foreknown the seasons. Young, youve force Wasted like well-streams: old, oh, then indeed, Behold a labyrinth of hydraulic pipes Through which youd play off wondrous waterwork; Only, no water s left to feed their play. Young, you ve a hope, an aim, a love: it s tossed And crossed and lost: you struggle on, some spark Shut in your heart against the puffs around, Through cold and pain; these in due time subside, Now then for ages triumph, the hoarded light You mean to loose on the altered face of things, Up with it on the tripod! It s extinct. Spend your lifes remnant asking, which was best, Light smothered up that never peeped forth once, Or the cold cresset with full leave to shine? Well, accept this too, seek the fruit of it Not in enjoyment, proved a dream on earth, But knowledge, useful for a second chance, Another life, you ve lost this world you ve gained Its knowledge for the next. What knowledge, sir, Except that you know nothing? Nay, you doubt Whether t were better have made you man or brute, If aught be true, if good and evil clash. No foul, no fair, no inside, no outside, Theres your world! Give it me! I slap it brisk With harlequins pasteboard sceptre: what s it now? Changed like a rock-flat, rough with rusty weed, At first wash-over o the returning wave! All the dry dead impracticable stuff Starts into life and light again; this world Pervaded by the influx from the next. I cheat, and what s the happy consequence? You find full justice straightway dealt you out, Each want supplied, each ignorance set at ease, Each folly fooled. No life-long labour now As the price of worse than nothing! No mere film Holding you chained in iron, as it seems, Against the outstretch of your very arms And legs i the sunshine moralists forbid! What would you have? Just speak and, there, you see! You re supplemented, made a whole at last, Bacon advises, Shakespeare writes you songs, And Mary Queen of Scots embraces you. Thus it goes on, not quite like life perhaps, But so near, that the very difference piques, Shows that een better than this best will be This passing entertainment in a hut Whose bare walls take your taste since, one stage more, And you arrive at the palace: all half real, And you, to suit it, less than real beside, In a dream, lethargic kind of death in life, That helps the interchange of natures, flesh Transfused by souls, and such souls! Oh, t is choice! And if at whiles the bubble, blown too thin, Seem nigh on bursting, if you nearly see The real world through the false, what do you see? Is the old so ruined? You find you re in a flock O the youthful, earnest, passionate genius, beauty, Rank and wealth also, if you care for these: And all depose their natural rights, hail you, (That s me, sir) as their mate and yoke-fellow, Participate in Sludgehood nay, grow mine, I veritably possess them banish doubt, And reticence and modesty alike! Why, here s the Golden Age, old Paradise Or new Eutopia! Here s true life indeed, And the world well won now, mine for the first time! And all this might be, may be, and with good help Of a little lying shall be: so, Sludge lies! Why, he s at worst your poet who sings how Greeks That never were, in Troy which never was, Did this or the other impossible great thing! Hes Lowell it s a world (you smile applause), Of his own invention wondrous Longfellow, Surprising Hawthorne! Sludge does more than they, And acts the books they write: the more his praise! But why do I mount to poets? Take plain prose Dealers in common sense, set these at work, What can they do without their helpful lies? Each states the law and fact and face o the thing Just as hed have them, finds what he thinks fit, Is blind to what missuits him, just records What makes his case out, quite ignores the rest. It s a History of the World, the Lizard Age, The Early Indians, the Old Country War, Jerome Napoleon, whatsoever you please, All as the author wants it. Such a scribe You pay and praise for putting life in stones, Fire into fog, making the past your world. Theres plenty of How did you contrive to grasp The thread which led you through this labyrinth? How build such solid fabric out of air? How on so slight foundation found this tale? Biography, narrative? or, in other words, How many lies did it require to make The portly truth you here present us with? Oh, quoth the penman, purring at your praise, T is fancy all; no particle of fact: I was poor and threadbare when I wrote that book Bliss in the Golden City. I, at Thebes? We writers paint out of our heads, you see! Ah, the more wonderful the gift in you, The more creativeness and godlike craft! But I, do I present you with my piece, It s What, Sludge? When my sainted mother spoke The verses Lady Jane Grey last composed About the rosy bower in the seventh heaven Where she and Queen Elizabeth kept house, You made the raps? T was your invention that? Cur, slave and devil! eight fingers and two thumbs Stuck in my throat! Well, if the marks seem gone T is because stiffish cock-tail, taken in time, Is better for a bruise than arnica. There, sir! I bear no malice: t isnt in me. I know I acted wrongly: still, I ve tried What I could say in my excuse, to show The devil s not all devil . . . I dont pretend, Hes angel, much less such a gentleman As you, sir! And Ive lost you, lost myself, Lost all-l-l-l- . . . No are you in earnest, sir? O yours, sir, is an angels part! I know What prejudice prompts, and whats the common course Men take to soothe their ruffled self-conceit: Only you rise superior to it all! No, sir, it dont hurt much; it s speaking long That makes me choke a little: the marks will go! What? Twenty V-notes more, and outfit too, And not a word to Greeley? One one kiss O the hand that saves me! Youll not let me speak, I well know, and I ve lost the right, too true! But I must say, sir, if She hears (she does) Your sainted . . . Well, sir, be it so! Thats, I think, My bed-room candle. Good-night!!Bl-l-less you, sir. R-r-r, you brute-beast and blackguard! Cowardly scamp! I only wish I dared burn down the house And spoil your sniggering! Oh what, youre the man You re satisfied at last? You ve found out Sludge? We ll see that presently: my turn, sir, next! I too can tell my story: brute, do you hear? You throttled your sainted mother, that old hag, In just such a fit of passion: no, it was . . . To get this house of hers, and many a note Like these. . . Ill pocket them, however . . . five, Ten, fifteen . . . ay, you gave her throat the twist, Or else you poisoned her! Confound the cuss! Where was my head? I ought to have prophesied He ll die in a year and join her: that s the way. I dont know where my head is: what had I done? How did it all go? I said he poisoned her, And hoped he d have grace given him to repent, Whereon he picked this quarrel, bullied me And called me cheat: I thrashed him, who could help? He howled for mercy, prayed me on his knees To cut and run and save him from disgrace: I do so, and once off, he slanders me. An end of him! Begin elsewhere anew! Bostons a hole, the herring-pond is wide, V-notes are something, liberty still more. Beside, is he the only fool in the world?