The Poetry Corner

Certain Truths About Certain Things

By Madison Julius Cawein

I. And the boy that lives next door Said to me one day, There's more In those rhymes of Mother Goose And those tales, I don't care whose, Arabian Nights or Grimm's, or, well, Any one's, than, I've no doubt, You or I can ever tell, Or can ever know about. II. Why, there is a land, you know, Where the world is so-and-so: Where old Hick-a-Hack-a-more Kicks the king right out his door And sits on his throne and kills Blackbirds as they fly from pies, Pots them on the windowsills I ain't telling you no lies. III. For I met an old man once And he was n't any dunce Who just told me he had been To that land and he had seen All those people: even met Handy Spandy in a shop; And old Doctor Foster, wet, Mad enough to make you hop. IV. And he said that Miller, he Who once lived on River Dee, Told him that he was a wreck, Mind and body, knee and neck, Haunted by the memory of That old flea whose bones he crackt On the millstones. It was tough! And it killed him; it's a fact. V. And he'd met that fellow, too, Of St. Ives and all his crew, Wives and sacks and cats; and he Said it was a sight to see: Wives a-scolding and the cats Fighting in the sacks; the kits Scratching like so many rats, Yowling, too, to give you fits. VI. And he said that Old King Cole Was a fraud upon the whole: Never had a fiddler That could fiddle anywhere By the side of him; and joked While he drank the vilest brew From a cracked old bowl; and smoked Worse tobacco; smiling, too. VII. And he said he knows of one Oldtime town, all over-run With old beggars, that at dark Loosen dogs that bark and bark Till the people, gone to bed, Throw out anything they've got Just to keep the peace. He said, "Ought n't they to all be shot?" VIII. And he said that that old man Clothed in leather was a ban On the whole community: He was simply miserly, Filthy, too: economized Clothes and washing that way: and This man simply loathed, despised Him, his grin, and leather-band. IX. Cinderella, too: why, she Was a slomp; just naturally Would n't work; and had big feet Could have seen them 'cross the street. Did n't marry a Prince at all, But the ashman. Never at Court Or a ball! She had her gall To put that in her report! X. Blue Beard was a much wronged man. Think it was a well-laid plan For his wife, her brothers there, Just to kill him and to share All his gold and silver. Then Great Claus, too, was much abused. Think that old Hans Andersen Might have known it. He was used. XI. Little Two Eyes ate her goat; Was a glutton. If you'll note All she did was eat and eat, Thought of only bread and meat, While her sisters, I've heard since, Scrubbed and labored day and night; But, it's true, she married a Prince Fell in love with her appetite. XII. Jack the Giant-Killer; well! He's the worst, the sorriest sell. This man met him, and he said He was just a bully; bled Folks by blackmail. Every one Was afraid of him. But he, This old man, once saw him run From a boy not big as me. XIII. Rudest girls he ever saw Were Bo Peep and Marjory Daw; Always careless in their dress, Given over to idleness. Bobby Shafto and Boy Blue, Worst boys in the world: the one, Fishing when he ought not to; The other sleeping in the sun. XIV. Lots of other things he said That, somehow, got out my head: Something 'bout that girl contrary Never had a garden! Mary; And Miss Muffet that big spider Never did sit down beside her; And that Curly Locks the deuce! Never had a curl.... A few Things he told of Mother Goose, And I know they all are true.