Billys 'Square Affair'
By Henry Lawson
Long Bill, the captain of the push, was tired of his estate,
And wished to change his life and win the love of something straight;
Twas rumourd that the Gory B.s had heard Long Bill declare
That he would turn respectable and wed a square affair.
He craved the kiss of innocence; his spirit longed to rise;
The Crimson Streak, his faithful piece, grew hateful in his eyes;
(And though, in her entirety, the Crimson Streak was there,
I grieve to state the Crimson Streak was not a square affair.)
He wanted clothes, a masher suit, he wanted boots and hat;
His girl had earned a quid or two, he wouldnt part with that;
And so he went to Brickfield Hill, and from a draper there
He shook the proper kind of togs to fetch a square affair.
Long Bill went to the barbers shop and had a shave and singe,
And from his narrow forehead combed his darling Mabel fringe;
Long Bill put on a square cut and he brushed his boots with care,
And roved about the Gardens till he mashed a square affair.
She was a tony servant-girl from somewhere on the Shore;
She dressed in style that suited Bill, he could not wish for more.
While in her guileless presence he had ceased to chew or swear,
He knew the kind of barrack that can fetch a square affair.
To thus desert his donah old was risky and a sin,
And twould have served him right if she had caved his garret in.
The Gory Bleeders thought it too, and warned him to take care
In case the Crimson Streak got scent of Billys square affair.
He took her to the stalls; twas dear, but Billy said Wot odds!
He couldnt take his square affair amongst the crimson gods.
They wandered in the park at night, and hugged each other there,
But, ah! the Crimson Streak got wind of Billys square affair!
The blank and space and stars! she yelled; the nameless crimson dash!
Ill smash the blanky crimson and his square affair, Ill smash,
In short, she drank and raved and shrieked and tore her crimson hair,
And swore to murder Billy and to pound his square affair.
And so one summer evening, as the day was growing dim,
She watched her bloke go out, and foxed his square affair and him.
That night the park was startled by the shrieks that rent the air,
The Streak had gone for Billy and for Billys square affair.
The gory push had foxed the Streak, they foxed her to the park,
And they, of course; were close at hand to see the bleedin lark;
A cop arrived in time to hear a gory B. declare
Gor blar-me! heres the Red Streak foul of Billys square affair.
Now Billy scowls about the Rocks, his manly beauty marrd,
And Billys girl, upon her ed, is doin six months ard;
Bills swivel eye is in a sling, his heart is in despair,
And in the Sydney Orspital lies Billys square affair.