Get Up And Bar The Door
By Frank Sidgwick
The Text is from Herd's Ancient and Modern Scots Songs (1769), which is almost identical with a copy in Johnson's Museum. Another variant, also given in the Museum, was contributed by Burns, who made it shorter and more dramatic.
The Story of this farcical ballad has long been popular in many lands, European and Oriental, and has been introduced as an episode in English, French, and German plays. A close parallel to the ballad may be found in Straparola, Day VIII., first story.
GET UP AND BAR THE DOOR
1.
It fell about the Martinmas time,
And a gay time it was then,
When our goodwife got puddings to make,
And she's boil'd them in the pan.
2.
The wind sae cauld blew south and north,
And blew into the floor;
Quoth our goodman to our goodwife,
'Gae out and bar the door.'
3.
'My hand is in my hussyfskep,
Goodman, as ye may see;
An it shoud nae be barr'd this hundred year,
It's no be barr'd for me.'
4.
They made a paction 'tween them twa,
They made it firm and sure,
That the first word whae'er shoud speak,
Shoud rise and bar the door.
5.
Then by there came two gentlemen,
At twelve o'clock at night,
And they could neither see house nor hall,
Nor coal nor candle-light.
6.
'Now whether is this a rich man's house,
Or whether is it a poor?'
But ne'er a word wad ane o' them speak,
For barring of the door.
7.
And first they ate the white puddings,
And then they ate the black;
Tho' muckle thought the goodwife to hersel',
Yet ne'er a word she spake.
8.
Then said the one unto the other,
'Here, man, tak ye my knife;
Do ye tak aff the auld man's beard,
And I'll kiss the goodwife.'
9.
'But there's nae water in the house,
And what shall we do than?'
'What ails ye at the pudding-broo,
That boils into the pan?'
10.
O up then started our goodman,
An angry man was he:
'Will ye kiss my wife before my een,
And sca'd me wi' pudding-bree?'
11.
Then up and started our goodwife,
Gi'ed three skips on the floor:
'Goodman, you've spoken the foremost word,
Get up and bar the door.'