Miss Edith Makes It Pleasant for Brother Jack
By Bret Harte (Francis)
Crying! Of course I am crying, and I guess you would be crying, too,
If people were telling such stories as they tell about me, about you.
Oh yes, you can laugh if you want to, and smoke as you didnt care how,
And get your brains softened like uncles. Dr. Jones says youre gettin it now.
Why dont you say Stop! to Miss Ilsey? She cries twice as much as I do,
And shes older and cries just from meanness, for a ribbon or anything new.
Ma says its her sensitive nature. Oh my! No, I shant stop my talk!
And I dont want no apples nor candy, and I dont want to go take a walk!
I know why youre mad! Yes, I do, now! You think that Miss Ilsey likes you,
And Ive heard her repeatedly call you the bold-facest boy that she knew;
And shed like to know where you learnt manners. Oh yes! Kick the table, thats right!
Spill the ink on my dress, and go then round telling Ma that I look like a fright!
What stories? Pretend you dont know that theyre saying I broke off the match
Twixt old Money-grubber and Mary, by saying she called him Crosspatch,
When the only allusion I made him about sister Mary was, she
Cared more for his cash than his temper, and you know, Jack, you said that to me.
And its true! But its me, and Im scolded, and Pa says if I keep on I might
By and by get my name in the papers! Who cares? Why, twas only last night
I was reading how Pa and the sheriff were selling some lots, and its plain
If its awful to be in the papers, why, Papa would go and complain.
You think it aint true about Ilsey? Well, I guess I know girls, and I say
Theres nothing I see about Ilsey to show she likes you, anyway!
I know what it means when a girl who has called her cat after one boy
Goes and changes its name to anothers. And shes done it and I wish you joy!